Being an Example

Elwyn found an "A".

This morning, I slept late.  I was down and mopey about I don't even know what before I even got out of bed. My back hurt (sciatic nerves suck), and my general morning serenity was missing - what I like to call a Blah Morning.  I'm sure you can identify.  Before I was even dressed, I could hear Elwyn screaming downstairs.  "Owww! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"  This wasn't the sound of my son being truly hurt.  I know that sound.  This was the sound of three consecutive nights of too little sleep, two days of sugar immersion, and a small scrape on his toe.  Impressively loud screaming, near hyperventilation, and ridiculous irrational behavior ensued for about a half hour.  Ugh.


Clearly, it was time for some nature, so we decided we would go to Busch Conservation Area and do a walk with my mom.  On the drive there, Elwyn began crying again, saying his toe hurt really bad.  I acknowledged that it probably did sting and feel uncomfortable (Please note that I was trying VERY hard not to scream at him to stop crying because there is no way that hurts this bad!  I try very hard to match my inner angry with outer serenity when dealing with the boys.).  "Can you move your toe?"  "Yes."  "Does it hurt as bad as some of your other cuts and scrapes have hurt?"  "No."  "So, do you think it's worth so much of your energy, screaming and fussing over it?"  "I guess not."  So, I explained that when something happens, whether we get a scratch or have our feelings hurt or anything, we need to decide how bad it really is, and then whether or not it is worth our time and energy.  Most often, we just need to take a few breaths, and move on with our day.  Then, Elwyn explained, through more emergent tears, how he had had bad dreams too and they were really scary.  So we talked about what fears are worth worrying about and which are so unlikely, that they too are not worth our time or energy.  We talked about how when we wake up, even when we know that there is not a lion in the room, and we start to feel relieved that it was just a dream, we can still feel a little scared.  Baz brought up how he sometimes has really good dreams that he got a great toy and is soooo happy.  Then when he wakes up and realizes it was just a dream, he feels disappointed that it wasn't real.  "But then I get happy again, because I think that it could still really happen some day." We decided that being hopeful for something that made us happy was, indeed, worth our energy and time.  I said, "Boys, you've always got to expect that great things will happen for you, but remain happy with what you are fortunate enough to have right now.  And don't waste time or energy on things that don't really cause you pain, or on fears in your imagination or dreams.  Spend your energy on those things that make you happy and that you are lucky to have in your life now."
 


Having to teach these things to my children, to train them into hopeful, positive, and grateful human beings, reminds me to embody those qualities as well.  Obviously, you have to practice what you preach with kids, with anyone.  And for the most part, and I think with most people, we don't choose to disregard these ideas.  We just forget.  Its so easy to forget.  If I didn't have these little guys to parent, I would forget way more often.  Lucky for me, today I got a good reminder.  Expecting the best in the future, while being satisfied with the present, can provide a content balance of hope and gratitude.  I found myself expecting that our hike would go well, despite our injuries and lack of sleep, and being grateful that I had this opportunity to walk through the forest with my mom and children.  I was about to spend my time, despite the 'to do' list at home, with people I loved, out enjoying nature, which I know I need.  So we parked the car at the Conservation Area, all feeling a little better about our day.

By the end of the walk (only .7 miles), Baz was almost in tears because he was so 'tired and hungry and thirsty', but Elwyn was expressing how happy he was that we made it back to the car, and that his toe was feeling better. Somehow explaining to Baz that he is lucky to be able to walk at all and to have fresh water waiting at the car, didn't do it for him.  I think he had been Pollyanna-ed out for the day.  Lucky for me, I get to continue to teach these lessons over and over again, and to be an example to my boys and to all those around me.  So, hopefully, I can forget less often how important hope, gratitude and a good attitude are in our lives.

And to boot, I saw these lovelies in my backyard when we got home.  They had clearly been born in the yard very recently because they were so small, still a bit shaky on their legs, and did not know how to follow their mother, who easily leapt the fence.  The doe jumped back and forth, carefully coaxing them through the fence pickets, so they could join her outside the yard.  Then they were off.  How lucky I was to have seen it all.