Spoiler Alert! Life is not perfect. Sorry if I ruined that little surprise for you.
This morning was a text book example of my life in all its "unperfectness". I got out of bed later than I wanted, things didn't go well with the kids, conversation with my husband proved less than awesome, my breakfast got cold, and the dog threw up in the bathroom. This is the kind of morning that inspires rigid neck tension and constant disgruntlement for the rest of the day. It is the reason I am eating a bag of potato chips right now, hidden away in the office by myself.
But, I have to say, despite the potato chips, I was proud of my ability to turn it around today. It doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes, as you probably know, enough little things going wrong in the morning can put a gloom and doom haze over the entire rest of the day. Not today.
Now, to be clear, I was not able to turn it around because that is just the kind of person I am. No no. Lately, I have been much more the type to expect a bad afternoon given a bad morning. But today I did well letting go and practicing self-acceptance. Yeah me. I'm trying to realize, every day, that this, here, now, is my life. I am not just practicing, until I get all of my shit together. This is it. And as cliche and obvious as that is, accepting it whole-heartedly is quite difficult. Accepting that today, right now, is my life, means also accepting that this, today, right now, is who I am. I am not perfect. (Sorry, I should have given another spoiler alert there.) I am a person who wants to be calm, simple, organized, happy, mindful, healthy, selfless and generous. But instead I tell myself every freakin' day that tomorrow I will get up when the alarm goes off, and that tonight I will finally get the toys minimized and sorted. When I get frustrated about not getting up on time, or not organizing the homeschool lessons last night, and that trickles down into every single interaction and event of the morning, causing discordance and unhappiness, the trick is to not throw in the towel for the day. I can start from right now, from here, and turn it around.
Why is it that I feel, if I don't start a new routine on Monday, the whole week is shot and I need to try again next Monday. How ridiculous is that? But the damn calendar makes me feel like Monday is the only day to start something fresh and anew. Can I start getting up when my alarm goes off tomorrow, even though its a Thursday? I can! And, just because I signed up for the awesome 28 days of free pilates on line for the month of February, and I have completed only approximately 10 of the last 19 days, doesn't mean that I can't jump in and do my best for the rest of the month. I need to accept, like I did today, that this is who I am, and just because it isn't exactly who I always want to be, doesn't mean I can't start trying again right now, moving forward, without beating myself up over what happened ten minutes ago, this morning, yesterday, or last month. Start from here.
So today, instead of carrying that tension and disgruntlement; instead of being bothered and set off by every whine or bump in the homeschool road, I took a breath and realized what a non-deal it was. I managed to not snap at the boys for not listening to me and not focusing, and then I applied that smallest bit of humor and playfulness to the situation, and everyone was happy and back on track. I let the morning go and accepted that those mornings happen in my life. My days are not perfect. They never will be. But that doesn't have to dictate the rest of the morning, the day or tomorrow. Reset. Breathe. And reset. Start from here.
Right now, I am accepting that I love salt and am weak. No biggie.
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